nothing tastes as good as being thin feels

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 03:41:36 GMT

I was doing so well, restricting to 300 calories all week! Then I went to my aunt's house tonight and of course they made me eat dinner with them. Then they brought out cookies, and I ate too many of those. =[

I got on the scale when I got back to my room, and it wasn't toooo bad. I'm hoping that by tomorrow morning it will be better. I also have my period right now so I am pretty bloated on top of all that.

On a better note, I got a job at the mall today. I am looking forward to actually having money. It will be a good thing. haha!

<3

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 04:17:56 GMT

Since I had been doing so poorly for so long, and now that I am back on track, I decided to make a ticker to help me maintain my weight loss. I set some goals and made some rewards for myself for each significant goal that I attain.

I am not hungry. I don't need food.

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 21:55:23 GMT

ALRIGHT!

I'm obsessed with myspace, so I set a new goal for myself.
I am not allowing myself to check myspace until I have lost at LEAST 15 pounds. I haven't eaten since 7pm on Sunday [46 hours!], so I am going to keep fasting until I see some good results.

I also have an outfit that is a little too small for me laying out, and I really want to wear it and look good in it, so that is more motivation in itself.

Other than that, I've been feeling really shitty and depressed; but hopefully losing this weight will help make me feel better.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 01:33:34 GMT

i'm excited right now. i just got a new scale, it rocks. i needed one for my dorm room. if i can't weigh myself i eat too much. =[

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 01:11:12 GMT

i don't know why i ever binge when hunger is the best feeling you could ever feel.

ever.

i love being hungry; i know i'm losing weight. i can't wait to reach my goals.

fast

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:35:00 GMT

hey all,

so i started a fast with alyssa. i am planning on going for about a week on just water, a small amount of diet coke, and black coffee, maybe some tea too. i need to post my daily progress in order to stay on track. good luck alyssa! i will be texting you when i need some moral support!

<3

Thu, 06 Sep 2007 02:49:44 GMT

i haven't eaten since this morning and i feel fantastic! i don't know why i ever binge when i feel my best after a day of not eating. i plan on going without food tomorrow because i will be really busy all day.

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 03:35:59 GMT

what is worse?
wanting someone you can't have or having someone you don't want?

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 23:25:47 GMT

i'm feeling really shitty about my life today. blahh, this sucks.

i need an outlet, i need something that will help me get through this shit.

uhh. sorry i haven't been on here a lot.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 17:11:37 GMT

fasting.

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 15:03:12 GMT

not doing so hot. i don't know what is going on with me. i'm really pissed lately and food has been my comfort. it's sad, i shouldn't need to turn to something so disgusting to make me feel better. =[

Thu, 26 Jul 2007 02:40:20 GMT

screw up after screw up.

i can't stand myself at all right now. i'm afraid to get on a scale. i need to fast, why am i having such a difficult time?! i was doing so well, i must have gained it all back, but i can't let myself get on a scale. i need to fast for 3 days.

anyone in?

Water Fast Day 1

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 14:14:04 GMT

Alright. Maybe the reason for my recent failings/binges has been my lack of writing about what I had done on a daily basis in this journal. I think I need to write to help me express feelings, instead of turning to food when I'm depressed.

So, since today marks a new start for me, I am going to begin by posting an entry about the fast I am starting.

I am planning on a Water Fast for 10 days. People do this kind of thing in order to detoxify their bodies, and I know I am strong enough to do this. I KNOW I am. I might appear to be setting myself up for failure, but I know that I am strong, and I know that working hard might be required, but I'm willing to do it.

So, if anyone wants to join in on a water fast, let me know. Otherwise, here I go.

Wed, 18 Jul 2007 01:31:12 GMT

SO sick of myself. My body must be wanting to die right now.

WATER FAST. I read that it is good to water fast for a minimum of 10 days. I am starting a water fast RIGHT NOW. Today is July 17th. Water fast until July 28th, at LEAST.

I can't believe how much I fucked up this time.

I know I will lose a lot of weight with a water fast, not to mention I will be cleansing my body of nasty shit.

WATER ONLY. 10 DAYS. NO MORE COFFEE, NO MORE DIET SODA. I CAN DO THIS. I KNOW THAT I CAN. FOOD IS NOT IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE, I AM. I WANT A 10 DAY WATER FAST AND I WILL GET IT.

Good luck. <3

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 16:01:23 GMT

ana, i need you.

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 02:34:18 GMT

fasting until at LEAST tuesday. i MAY NOT get on the scale until tuesday. if i don't weight 107 by then, i will continue the fast. i can't believe how shitty i have done today. i don't deserve to live.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 17:44:34 GMT

Fuck my life!

Screw this shit. I can't buy ANYTHING for myself until I reach 107. Screw the belly button ring, I just can't get myself ANYTHING. I don't deserve anything until I reach at least 107. I'm gonna try for no food until that point, but I don't know if I will be able to do that.

I fuckin' suck.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 14:08:42 GMT

i can't stop getting on the scale. it's killing me. i need to be told that i can't weigh myself until saturday. someone please tell me i can't weigh myself until saturday.

if i am told to do something, maybe i will listen. =/

anyway, it was 110-112 fluctuation this morning. i will go with 111. haha.

i am on my second day of fasting. i feel like all i ever do is fast then i have a random day of binging and it's back to fasting.

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 02:38:36 GMT

day 1 of the fast is over. that makes day 2 sound so much easier.

my stomach is empty and i can't waiiiiit until saturday to weigh myself after this fast. i already i know i'm going to like what i see.

i bought pants yesterday, and i wore them today. and they are falling off. uh, wtf? maybe they are just shitty pants that stretch out fast or something. but, if not, then i lost a lot in a day. haha.

whatevs. anyway, nitey nite girls!

starting anew.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 13:07:35 GMT

Alrighttt!

Today marks day 1 of a new fast. I already KNOW that I can fast for at least 4 days, because I've done it.

So, the plan is, fast until at LEAST Saturday, and of course, I'm continuing to take my diet pills!!! Hopefully the binging episode from yesterday just gave my metabolism a little kick in the ass and will help me to lose the weight faster with the aid of the pill.

I'm happy. I love starting fasts, it's so exciting!!!

xoxo <3

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 05:44:25 GMT

here's the plan. weigh myself tomorrow morning, just because i have to see the damage from today's binge fest. too curious.

however, then i cannot weigh myself until saturday, the day that i am fasting until.

let's see how this goes.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 03:22:08 GMT

i don't deserve to eat ever again.

what am i saying? food is not a privilege, it's a curse.

i hate the fact that food is my addiction, but i can't go to like ... AA for it and just forget about it, because i need it at some point in time in order to stay alive. i don't want it ever again. i hate it.

i hate food. i hate me when i have food. i hate who i am when i'm around food.

it's such a burden, fasting until saturday at LEAST, since i obviously screwed the fast that was supposed to go til friday up.

I'm sorry Alyssa. I failed you.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:52:13 GMT

I went shopping today and I was really excited because clothes in sizes that would normally fit me were wayyyyy too big! w00h00!

Tommy Hilfiger sizes seem to run pretty big, and I was in a size 0 and they were a little baggy, so I was madddd excited!!! =]

Anyway, that's all. I'm back in fasting mode since the mini-binge this morning. I know my weight will go down by tomorrow morning if I don't eat anything else today, so I'm not that mad about it.

Updated Stats -->
Ht: About 5'3"
CW: 112
GW1: 110
GW2: 107 [belly button ring?! Maybe at 106.]
GW3: 103
UGW: 100 [tattoo!]

I'm so proud of myself, when I started this LJ about a month ago I was at 125.

Keep going girls, you can do it!!! <3

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:07:03 GMT

Hey all ...

Enter day 5 of the fast. I have been fasting for approximately 108 hours. This is insane for me! I have been tempted by and offered food many times, but refused and LIED about the fact that I have eaten numerous times, for 108 hours!!! No one has seen me put one morsel of food into my mouth since Thursday, I'm shrinking, and they believe me when I say I'm eating. It doesn't get better than this. HAHA!

Forget the "can't weigh myself until Friday rule;" the scale is too much of an obsession. Knowing that I only have a few pounds to go helps me push myself for one more day of fasting.

This morning I weighed in at a fluctuation between 108 and 110. Yayyy! =]

Keep working girls, if I can do this, anyone can. <3

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 01:03:47 GMT

My mom made one of those frozen pizzas and brought it out to where i was, sat it down on the table and offered me a piece. of course i said that i had eaten, which she easily believed for some idiotic reason, but i stared at the fucking thing for about 10 minutes before getting up and walking away. one piece would have 5g of fat in it. it wouldn't have been THAT bad, about 170 cals or something, BUT if i ate it, i would have eaten a second piece. then i would have said to myself, eh ... whatever, have a little ice cream, you deserve it for fasting for this long. then after one bowl of ice cream i would have been like, that couldn't have been too many cals, just have some more, satisfy the URGE. before i would know it, the ice cream would all be gone, and i'd be searching for something else to eat.

Thank goodness I got up and walked away from that damn pizza. I played out the whole situation in my head, and thought about how disappointed in myself I would have been if I so much as tasted the pizza.

If that isn't taking control, I don't know what is.